Plagarism Irks My Tator
by PearlyJammer
Summary: Magneto gets busted for writing something that doesn't belong to him. Sequel to 'All I want is the World,' and 'Santa Claus Made me Cry.'


Title: Plagiarism Pisses Me Off!  
  
Author: Autumn  
  
Series: Sequel to 'All I Want is the World,' and 'Santa Claus Made Me Cry' both of which can be read at autumnpenguins.com  
  
E-mail: autumnleaves@autumnpenguins.com  
  
Archive Rights: DH, APE, others please ask  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. They belong to Fox/Bryan Singer/Marvel damnit! Ian McKellan owns Magneto, and THAT other famous guy. He's swell, I wish I was a Hobbit... Okay I'll stop here before this turns, eh unseemly.  
  
Rating: PG-13, Language, Heading.  
  
Plagiarism Notes: I have liberally used lines and phrases from included but not limited to: Santa Claus Made Me Cry, and loads of words from the English language. I am a thieving bastard, stone me.  
  
A/N: To Karen, I liker her, but not in a Hobbit way..... ***************************************  
  
New York State Penitentiary Special Unit, Block H, as in Hobbit December, Present  
  
A man sat in what looked like a blown up gerbil cage minus the wheel. The plastic made the light seem unusually bright and his snowy hair seemed extra light. He sat at his desk with a pen in his hand and a stack of letters at his side. A quick glance at them revealed they all had the same address on them.  
  
Dear Santa, North Pole Planet Earth?  
  
"So, you're the one who's been cavorting about pretending to be me." A tall man with a long white beard said, standing behind the letter writer.  
  
"Shouldn't you be wearing a red coat and be a bit more portly?" Magneto asked softly.  
  
"My image has changed over the last couple of years to something more Tolkeinesque. Though if you keep bandying about with your impressions and flagrant plagiarism, I'll develop horns and a tail. I'd rather not go through that discomfort again." He said drolly.  
  
"I've seen renderings of your early work; you've never had a tail. And I'd like of explanation of those accusations if you don't mind." Magneto said stiffly.  
  
"I went by a different name back then of course. Lucifer, Satan, Prince of Darkness-pre Sabbath of course." Satan said.  
  
"As for the accusations, I own and invented the Santa Claus franchise, while I accept that millions of parents around the world impersonate-rather badly, my most public friendly face via letters, it is a clear case of plagiarism when someone like you writes a letter addressed to me, in my exact style, using my copywriter material and attempts to pass if off as a genuine article without bothering to set the facts straight, or write a disclaimer noting the original author." Satan rattled off in a bored manner.  
  
"So it is true then," Magneto started, unmoved by the mini-lecture, "you really do exist. I suppose the bit about you loving the little children is somewhat skewed."  
  
"Children are my future. They are the purest of the human species, thus the most ego-centric and corruptible. The gateway to my kingdom lies in "Mommy, daddy I want a pony!" Satan sniggered.  
  
"Brilliant. Simple, but brilliant. If you're so evil, why does my Christmas card campaign bother you so much?"  
  
"Because your letter writing is leading to nothing but happiness and puppies."  
  
He snapped his fingers and Magneto's desk swirled into a liquid pool that acted as a window. The X-Mansion appeared in front of them.  
  
Jubilee was standing at the bottom of the stairs waiting for her friend Rogue to appear. "Rogue, hurry it up, we've only got 8 days until Christmas so let's get to the post office like today chica!"  
  
"Alright, I'm comin' hold your horses Jubes."  
  
A laughing Marie stepped onto the landing seconds later. "I couldn't find my scarf" she said by way of explanation.  
  
Jubilee arched one eye in a way that rivaled Logan in non-auditory expression. "You, woman of 3,000 accessories couldn't find a scarf?"  
  
Rogue laughed. "I couldn't find one fit for goin' outdoors. It's colder than the dickens out there."  
  
Jubilee just grinned at her friend, "You are truly strange."  
  
"I still feel weird doing this. I mean, you have heard the whole Santa's not real speech before right?" Marie asked curiously.  
  
"I've written to the big Claus every year, and not once have I been disappointed. Who am I to tempt fate? Besides, he always writes back."  
  
"Aren't you two a little old to be writing to Santa?" Logan asked, stepping out of the shadows.  
  
"Shouldn't you be feeling shame for wearing Ian Paisley?" Jubes threw back, eyeing Logan's shirt with utmost contempt.  
  
"Do you even know who Ian Paisley is?"  
  
"Yeah, and he called and said he wants his stupid shirt back!"  
  
"Kids, play nice." Marie broke in, used to being the mediator between the two.  
  
"Don't play well with others Darlin'." Logan said playfully.  
  
"You two can flirt some other time, let's get going Rogue. We gotta make it there by 4 PM!"  
  
Marie threw one last look at Logan who winked and turned away. She smiled to herself, it hadn't been much but she knew how Logan thought. Rogue drew herself up taller and strode as Logan saw her-as a woman.  
  
Back at the farm....  
  
Magneto turned towards his guest. "Aw, true love."  
  
"Yes, it's nauseating, and it's a problem. When you initiated contact with that day-glo girl it led to more of these precious moments. You set into action something that wasn't meant to happen in the first place. That is a problem."  
  
"You don't have the power to manipulate people's feelings, nobody does-I've tried." Erik said with a touch of sadness.  
  
"There's a bigger picture than a couple of broken hearts. Your good deed invalidated my goal." Satan said with exasperation.  
  
"Which is?" Erik needled him.  
  
"Spreading holiday discord, promoting greed and depression, not promoting fluffy bunny feelings. As I said earlier, I operate on the basis of a child's selfishness. When children wake up and don't get what they wanted, they throw a tantrum which irritates their parents who then fight- you see where I'm going with this. Your letters took the 'want' principal out and inspired compassion," he spit out the word, "in someone who USED to be one of my most successful conquests."  
  
"The Wolverine." Erik said, more to himself than the other man.  
  
"Yes, his heart grew 3X and everything."  
  
"He's obviously a flaw in your plan. Always had a soft spot for that woman."  
  
"I chose him personally for his 'resume,' not that he remembers it of course. But still the impulses, hardwiring its' all there."  
  
"So there is a link to the Wolverine's past. Care to share?"  
  
"That all depends. Such information comes with a price."  
  
"Naturally. But if you're here to purchase my soul, I'm afraid you've got to come up with something much more Machiavellian in nature." Magneto answered coldly.  
  
"I suspected, but you can't blame a fellow for trying. There is a man in here that turned me down, smokes a lot and he likes to throw around the word conspiracy, you probably wouldn't know him." Santa began.  
  
"I wouldn't. It's not like I get out much these days."  
  
"That's exactly what he said." He said enigmatically.  
  
The look peeled away and was replaced with a much uglier one. "Understand, I can make your present life-unpleasant."  
  
"What do you want from me? Surely you're too busy this time of year for a scolding and some threats."  
  
"I want you to clean up the mess you've made." Satan bellowed.  
  
"And what exactly do you propose?"  
  
Santa Claus removed the sack from his back, but instead of removing brightly wrapped presents he pulled out a stack of VHS tapes and a TV/VCR combo. "They're enchanted so only you can see them. Security tapes from the premises, and other less mundane material."  
  
Magneto stared at him, remarkably nonplussed for what he'd just seen.  
  
"You can stuffy them, and once you choose to help out, the necessary materials will be provided to you."  
  
"Awfully sure of yourself aren't you." Magneto stated.  
  
"Help is always rewarded." He paused, "You don't have much of a view in here do you?" and with a wink of his eye and a snort of his nose, Santa Claus disappeared.  
  
Magneto returned to his desk, the stack of mail had disappeared, save the letter he had been working on. He picked up his pen again, and began to write. 'To the yellow clad terror....'  
  
A few Days Later at the X-Mansion....  
  
"Rogue! Santa's real and I think he's evil!" Jubilee shrieked.  
  
"What are you talking about?" Rogue asked her distraught friend.  
  
"Look at this." Jubilee commanded and shoved the letter into Rogue's hands.  
  
"I..Don't ever write to me again. S. Claus." Marie finished, a perplexed look covering her face.  
  
"In all my years, I never knew he could be such an old bastard!" Jubilee spoke threw clenched teeth, her temper rising.  
  
"It's probably just a prank Jubilee. Like when Bobby glued you to that toilet." Rogue reasoned.  
  
"He never saw my letter. I bet I know who it was thought." Her eyes narrowed and she took to the stairs.  
  
"You're dead Wolverine!" Her war cry sounded as she flew up the steps to Logan's quarters.  
  
"Jubilee, hold on a second, it couldn't have been Logan." Rogue called while chasing after Jubes.  
  
Jubilee tore the door open and after searching for him without luck, she scanned the windows and caught view of him which hastened her passage to a flat out run. The air crackled as Jubilee fired a warning shot of plasma where it killed the innocent tree behind Logan.  
  
"That wasn't fuckin' funny Logan."  
  
"What the hell are you so fired up for?" Logan asked, clearly perplexed.  
  
Only Jubilee would have the gall to punch a confounded Logan square on the jaw. "What's your problem?" Logan snarled, quickly getting over his confusion.  
  
"Just because you made fun of me and I didn't kick your ass, it doesn't give you the right to be a complete asshole."Jubilee shouted before launching herself at Logan.  
  
This time he managed to lean out of the way and the tree faced the wrath of Jubilee. After flinging about in the foliage she rightened herself and stormed away in a mighty humph.  
  
"What the fuck had her so riled up?"  
  
"Um, this. Rogue said, handing over the letter she'd been clutching.  
  
"She thought you wrote it." Rogue pressed, while Logan read the letter.  
  
"She hits hard. Glad Cyke's teaching something right." Logan muttered.  
  
"Uh huh." Rogue rolled her eyes at Logan's tone.  
  
"I'm just saying that it doesn't look too good for Scooter when the kids he teaches English too say like, or dude or speak in third person all the damn time." Logan said in a dead on impression of ¾ of the student population.  
  
"C'mon, lets get some ice on that cheek there ya big baby." Rogue teased.  
  
"She doesn't hit that hard."  
  
"Is that right? Then why do you keep rubbing your jaw?"  
  
"Must be psychosomatic pain."  
  
Marie gave a derisive snort. "Maybe you should shave off all that hair. To determine that your jaw's not bruised." She added quickly.  
  
"We've been over this. The beard stays." Logan said with finality.  
  
"Logan it's so ugly though! It makes ya look like ya fell off your bike; got your face planted in road kill and it never came off."  
  
"Horseshit."  
  
"Oh, okay then."  
  
"You're one to talk. Your hair looks like someone bred it with a retarded skunk." Logan said seriously before breaking out into a grin.  
  
"That happens to be your entire fault. You're a crappy rescuer."  
  
"It was not my fault. You coulda slapped him and then ran away."  
  
"I was handcuffed."  
  
Logan paused slightly to consider her words. "Pervert." Marie laughed.  
  
"I didn't say a fuckin' word." Logan said with indignation.  
  
"I know what you were thinking." Marie said and tapped his temple lightly.  
  
"Fair enough" he conceded before opening the door for her and admiring the view as he followed.  
  
A Day later,,,,,,,,  
  
A placid Jubilee lay in her room scribbling busily away at a notebook, occasionally looking over at a piece of paper next too her. "Good news Rogue, my faith in the Big Red One has been restored." Jubes announced happily.  
  
"You're going to become a Communist?" Marie asked innocently.  
  
"No, the Other Great Red, Santa."  
  
She took up her paper and read aloud.  
  
My Dearest Jubilee,  
  
Apologies for my letter the other day. It was rude and, uh stuff happened. One of the Reindeer (Blitzed) got into some Yuletide Nog and kicked another deer's ass. It was messy but the venison's great. I trust you got what you wanted for Christmas.  
  
Look forward to your letter next year.  
  
Signed,  
  
S. Claus  
  
Rogue smiled inwardly "Did you apologize to Logan?"  
  
"Yeah, I have to help him change the oil in all the cars on Saturday and then he won't report the whole thing."  
  
"That's blackmail!" Rogue exclaimed.  
  
"That's Logan. I don't know why you're sp crazy about the dude. One half of him is crazy and the other third's evil." The two laughed and continued chatting.  
  
"Oh he's got much more evil in him than that. Much more indeed." A silver haired man muttered to himself before turning to another monitor.  
  
The jail cell he'd visited earlier was just as it had been, though the occupant was watching something rather than writing. Magneto removed the first tape, which instantly vanished before inserting a second.  
  
Satan smiled to himself; it appeared he would be reclaiming his prized possession. It was only a matter of time. 


End file.
